How Being ‘Too Good’ Can Damage You


Have you ever discovered your self saying sure to one thing however deep down inside you actually wished to say NO? Are you too good in your personal good? Do you end up giving far more than receiving in relationships? 

In the event you’re nodding alongside, you might be affected by the ‘Too Good Syndrome.’ Being too good can usually lead you to really feel undervalued and disrespected in your relationships. 

On this submit, I’ll share some insights on how one can keep away from falling into the entice of being a doormat in your relationships and grow to be extra empowered.

Determine the Root Trigger

On the core of being ‘too good’ is commonly a deep-seated lack of self-worth. Most individuals pleasers have a tendency to hunt validation exterior themselves as a result of they don’t have a transparent understanding of their values and what they should make them completely happy inside. 

This will lead an individual to morph to slot in with any narrative round them to allow them to be ok with themselves. Even on the expense of their very own well-being, they go above and past what is anticipated of them, hoping that this may make the opposite individual like them extra.

Nonetheless, this usually has the alternative impact and might finally result in you feeling used and undervalued. 

Set up Boundaries

One of the crucial steps in overcoming ‘Too Good Syndrome’ is to ascertain wholesome boundaries. In my Aware Courting Program, I name these non-negotiables. 

These should not superficial traits like somebody’s peak or how a lot cash they make. As a substitute, non-negotiables are a set of core values you’ll want to be met by your associate as a way to be completely happy in a relationship. For instance, somebody that’s household oriented or is prepared to be weak and categorical their emotions. 

Figuring out and setting boundaries communicates to others that you simply worth your self and your time. It additionally helps to ascertain clear expectations about what you might be and should not prepared to tolerate in your relationships.

Balanced partnerships are crucial for any wholesome relationship whether or not that’s in love, friendship, or at work. If you’re in a relationship with a taker, you almost certainly really feel taken benefit of and exploited. If that is you, try this video the place I present you how you can establish a taker and what to do if you’re in a relationship with somebody who’s taking an excessive amount of and giving too little.

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It’s Okay to Say No and Disappoint 

Saying ‘no’ generally is a important problem for many individuals, particularly should you’re scared of wounding the opposite individual’s emotions. Disappointment is a part of life. It helps the opposite individual discover ways to deal with us and what’s okay and never okay to us. 

Checking in together with your values earlier than agreeing to a favor or taking motion is important. If you’re used to mechanically saying sure with out thought, you aren’t honoring your individual wants or boundaries. Blaming the opposite individual is simple, however you might be liable for creating the wholesome boundaries you need to be honored.

Being in tune together with your voice and sharing your truths is the easiest way to keep away from feeling like a doormat. Do not forget that it’s okay to say “NO” to claim your wants and prioritize your individual well-being.

Apply Self-Compassion

Asserting your boundaries can deliver up a bunch of feelings and nervousness. Particularly if you’re not used to voicing your truths. It’s important to construct an amazing degree of self-compassion throughout this time. 

Dr. Brene Brown is a disgrace researcher and says the easiest way to observe self-compassion is by speaking to your self as you’d somebody you’re keen on and care about. In the event you make a mistake, as an alternative of calling your self silly. What would you say to a pal? More than likely, “The whole lot will probably be okay; you made a mistake; all of us do. You might be nonetheless a tremendous human.” 

Taking good care of your self before everything. Set life like objectives and expectations for your self, and be type to your self should you slip up.

Encompass Your self with Wholesome Relationships

You grow to be the common of the 5 individuals you encompass your self with. It is necessary that you simply take a look at your tribe of individuals. Are they lifting you up or tearing you down? Are they compassionate individuals or ego-based associates? Do they make you are feeling emotionally protected?

Encompass your self with individuals who worth and respect you. This implies cultivating relationships with individuals who honor your boundaries and deal with you with kindness and respect. 

Whenever you encompass your self with wholesome relationships, you set the stage for extra optimistic experiences in all areas of your life.

In conclusion, being too good generally is a difficult behavior to interrupt, nevertheless it’s important in your happiness and well-being. Bear in mind, valuing your self is vital to attracting the love and respect you deserve. 

In the event you want help in creating more healthy boundaries and breaking the people-pleasing cycle, I’m right here to assist. Schedule a Free Relationship Readiness Evaluation with me right here.

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